Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Through the hoops and against nagging demons

I've always fallen just short of my dreams, mostly because of nagging insecurities.

As a child I wanted to be an astronaut. I joined the Young Astronauts club that met once a week after school and stuck with it for several years. I even got as far as Spacecamp in Huntsville Alabama. I went through much astronaut training and was doing great, until food poisoning caused me to vomit in front of a real life astronaut who was kind enough to speak for us. I stopped going shortly after out of embarrassment.

My Uncle Mike inspired me to become a rock star. I wanted to perform music live, I wrote twenty or so songs, and then told myself I wasn't good enough.

Currently I have two things I would like to complete. A) become a published writer and do pretty well. I'm still well on the road for this. My problem is 1) I don't dedicate enough time to my craft. I spend an average of 1-2 hours daily. Stephen King says spend at least 3-4. 2) I haven't gone through the trouble of finding an agent just yet, which is a necessary evil if you want to make it in the industry. I feel like I shouldn't do this until I have a couple things fairly complete for submission.

B) I want to teach. I kept telling myself that I didn't want to go through the trouble of getting my certification through the PACE program here. However applying for these other jobs have left me feeling sort of down on myself. I don't really want to be the manager of a restaurant or the assistant manager of PetCo or even a cashier at Best Buy. Yesterday I decided, screw it, I'm going through the program. To apply I have to take the Praxis exam to make sure I have intelligence capable of teaching others. I have to have two years of full time work experience, which I do thanks to noodles, and I also need to get to Columbia South Carolina and pick up the application form and preferably attend an information meeting. (The next one I can go to isn't for another two weeks) Then if my application is accepted, I need to get hired at a high school around here.

This is my written testament that if I don't do this, then I will let myself down, and now I will at least feel that I've let everyone that reads this down. So pray for me, hope for me, wish me luck, or just kick my butt when needed, but I have to do this.