Sunday, November 25, 2012

Positions in Human Resources

I've had a lot of friends interviewing for new positions lately, and not long ago I did as well.

There's something I realized, I think Human Resources might be part of the Illuminati.

Hear me out.

1. Anytime I've interviewed with someone in HR, they don't seem to listen.

"So, do you have project management experience?"
"Well, no, but I've worked closely with project teams. Here's a few projects I've worked on..."
"So, you don't have any project manager experience?"
"No, but I've worked with them and this is an entry level job. This would be the way for me to get in."
"OK, preferably we would have someone with project management experience."

Everyone I talk to has had a similar HR interview like this. I've even had friends not get past the HR interview for the position they are already doing.

At first, I thought maybe this was ineptness on the HR side, but I actually think its an evil plot to kick our souls with their dirty boots, until we no longer want to rise up against them and take the world back.

2. Ever seen an HR position posted? No? Me either.

I've never seen an UFO, but they might exist. I've never seen a HR position posted, but I know they exist. Do they hire inside their creepy mason like headquarters? Is there a ritual involving hot wax, goat blood, and magical spells said in Latin?

They obviously get hired somehow.

3. Their job is to help the human element of a company, all while taking the side of the company. You ever take your company to court and you happened to have asked advice from human resources, you bet your butt they'll use what you said against you.

4. These people are never in the building with you. In fact, they aren't in any building. They are always faceless people with weird names (Brienna) that work 100% remotely.

So in conclusion, HR = the Illuminati. They are only there to keep us down while they keep a strangle hold on the world.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Two Days of Holiday Deals are Enough

OK, so we're Americans. We love consuming. Black Friday is the embodiment of that. It's a day the stores put everything on extreme sale, and thousands of Americans, filled with turkey, violently shop against each other.

A little background according to Wikipedia. The term Black Friday in the current context, was used by employees of retailers in 1969 to describe the traffic jams, and general mayhem that happened on the two busiest shopping days of the year, which happened the two days after Thanksgiving. Essentially, it was a day the average employee mourned, like a funeral.

There was a moment, when some tried to put a positive spin on it, calling it Big Friday, but ultimately the "Black" stuck. And from what I can tell, every year, has somehow upped the ante on being more ridiculous.

Then, around 2005, marketing departments decided that Black Friday just wasn't enough. What about online retailers? There was already a noticeable trend of sales being up for online retailers the Monday after Black Friday. So why don't we make it an event?

So, using their marketing heads, Cyber Monday was born.

So we had Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and to a lesser extent, Black Saturday. Three days marked on calendars to consume. These are holidays onto themselves, where instead of celebrating Christian saints, we raise Tickle-Me-Elmo above our heads, and offer the sacrifice of blood and dollars just to get our hands on it.

Are three days good enough? Most would say yes, some would say no.

Walmart, Sears, Toys R Us, K-Mart, and Target decided this year that Black Friday would start right after Thanksgiving dinner. 8 and 9 pm on Thursday, these stores will open to the greedy masses. A day meant to be spent with family, eating great food, being thankful, could now potentially see people standing in line for a $89 Nintendo Wii, eating a turkey leg, bathed in the glow of the Walmart sign.

But, that's not all. Online retailers decided that they were going to take the rest of the week. Just this morning, I woke up with an email from Amazon and NewEgg highlighting their 7 days of deals to countdown to Cyber Monday.

That would be like preparing to get a physical by having a doctor touch your naughty parts for the seven days before the physical. Does anyone else not see how insane this is?

I'm fine with having a day or two of deals. I really am. I like to sit on my big comfy chair Saturday morning, coffee in hand, laptop in the other, and read about the mom who headbutted a father over the latest Justin Bieber perfume.

But can we have our holiday back? Can we just enjoy being with family and having a day or two off of work?