Sunday, November 25, 2012

Positions in Human Resources

I've had a lot of friends interviewing for new positions lately, and not long ago I did as well.

There's something I realized, I think Human Resources might be part of the Illuminati.

Hear me out.

1. Anytime I've interviewed with someone in HR, they don't seem to listen.

"So, do you have project management experience?"
"Well, no, but I've worked closely with project teams. Here's a few projects I've worked on..."
"So, you don't have any project manager experience?"
"No, but I've worked with them and this is an entry level job. This would be the way for me to get in."
"OK, preferably we would have someone with project management experience."

Everyone I talk to has had a similar HR interview like this. I've even had friends not get past the HR interview for the position they are already doing.

At first, I thought maybe this was ineptness on the HR side, but I actually think its an evil plot to kick our souls with their dirty boots, until we no longer want to rise up against them and take the world back.

2. Ever seen an HR position posted? No? Me either.

I've never seen an UFO, but they might exist. I've never seen a HR position posted, but I know they exist. Do they hire inside their creepy mason like headquarters? Is there a ritual involving hot wax, goat blood, and magical spells said in Latin?

They obviously get hired somehow.

3. Their job is to help the human element of a company, all while taking the side of the company. You ever take your company to court and you happened to have asked advice from human resources, you bet your butt they'll use what you said against you.

4. These people are never in the building with you. In fact, they aren't in any building. They are always faceless people with weird names (Brienna) that work 100% remotely.

So in conclusion, HR = the Illuminati. They are only there to keep us down while they keep a strangle hold on the world.