A bunch of Dudes Crying Like Little Girls with Skinned Knees

I officially got off jury duty and am I glad. I was assigned to a high profile criminal case that would’ve at least lasted the rest of this week, if not into next. I have to admit, the defense attorney looked sort of scared when I told him my wife was a journalist. I think Sallie got me off the hook this time. (Or it could be the fact that I told a room full of my “peers” that I wouldn’t convict anyone unless I was convinced 100% without a doubt that they were guilty. I don’t think the prosecutor liked that much.)

To celebrate, Sallie and I bought tickets to Brett Hull Hall of Fame night at the Scottrade Center for $16 a piece.

Thousands of people were lined up outside the gates an hour before they opened wanting to relive the Blues from 1989-1998 with appearances by St. Louis favorites and $9 beers.

The seats were filling up quickly around 6:30 for the anticipated 6:45 kick off to the events. I held a flat, Budwieser in my hands and waited for the lights to dim. Around 6:55, the lights came down and the place erupted like it hasn’t since the Arena ceased to be.

Several owners, co-owners, and general rich guys in suits walked out on the carpet on the ice and announced Jeff Courtenall, the Captain of Brett Hull’s dream team. He gave a short, but sweet speech and then announced the rest of the dream team.

Bob Bassen, Kelly Chase, Sergio Momesso, Tony Twist, Rod Brind'Amour, Guy Carbonneau, Geoff Courtnall, Nelson Emerson, Bernie Federko, Doug Gilmour, Jeff Brown, Garth Butcher, Steve Duchesne, Phil Housley (I ran into his crotch once when I was young. Will never forget that.) Scott Stevens, Grant Fuhr, and Curtis Joseph.
Then, the largest surprise of the night, the Great One himself, Wayne Gretzky was there. It’s the only time I’ve seen him in person and he is a handsome man. I could kiss him and it wouldn’t even be gay. It’d be respectable, soft, and romantic.
Then Brett Hull came out to an eruption of cheers. He made a speech about how great the Flames and the Blues were to his career and how his heart will never leave St. Louis. (At one point a fan screamed that he hates Mike Keenan to an entire arena of laughter and agreement.) They then showed a career highlight reel with Brett Hull quotes dubbed over it.

The Blues started skating on the ice as the Dream Team entered the locker room again, but Brett Hull stayed back to shake hands with every player and wish them luck.

As soon as it was done, 5,000 dudes had to pee. I stood in line and looked around at all the misty eyed 25+ year old guys rubbing away tears and trying to cover with “That Mike Keenan comment was great.” It was a bathroom with 150 crying dudes like a bunch of girls with skinned knees. That’s the power of the Golden Brett.
Then, the Blues having the worst home record in the NHL, played as if they were playing for Brett and Gretzky. It was an exciting game, constantly swinging back and forth. Then with only a few minutes left in the third period, our young gun T.J. Oshie fires one into the net. The Blues win 4-3.

This is the first time I haven’t seen a St. Louis venue empty out ¾ of the way through the game. Every person was still there, standing in front of their seats, screaming their lungs out. It was like being at The Old Barn circa 1990 all over again. The madness and devotion of St. Louis fans returned, if only for that one night.

Beatles' Mania

The Beatles were always an enigma to me. A band that everyone raved about but I just didn’t quite get.

The first exposure of The Beatles I had was an annoying, “Alvin and the Chipmunks’ Sing the Beatles Cassette.” It sticks in my head for two reasons. First, I had The New Kids on the Block (TNKB for fans) “Step by Step” cassette and the Alvin and the Chipmunks’ cassette. Didn’t have a lot to choose from.




Second, I’ll always remember that cassette because it was green. I thought that was weird the sort of way that the original Zelda Nintendo game was gold.

So I listened to this cassette that I only sort of liked a lot. I don’t know if I got burned out on the songs or burned out on high-pitched cartoon chipmunks singing, but something left a horrible taste in my mouth for years to come.

It wasn’t until my love affair with Nirvana that I went back to the Beatles. Kurt Cobain said one of his main influences were the Beatles, and since I wanted to be a rockstar, and I knew that heroin was Kurt Cobain’s other inspiration, I figured the Beatles were the better place to start. My mom had one of their collections on CD often referred to as the “Red Album” which contained some of their earlier, more boy-bandy hits like “She Loves You” and “Can’t Buy me Love.” I understood the parallels between the verse chorus verse style of the Beatles and Kurt Cobain, but again I just couldn’t listen to them.

Then in college, I sort of saw this girl on and off that I was crazy about and she was a Beatles fanatic. I learned as much as I could about the Beatles, and was starting to like them more, but ultimately I learned the history of the Beatles. Often times, we’d get drunk (large group of people, not just me and this girl) and music was always a favorite argument. I felt that if I could defend the Beatles enough it would give me some credit.

We would’ve never worked out, just like I thought me and the Beatles would never work out.

Then, recently, Sallie and I obtained a turntable and a record collection. The collection was mostly throw-away, dime a dozen Southern Rock and Jam-bands, but in the midst was a copy of Abbey Road. I listened to the sweet embrace of the needle to the thirty year old vinyl, and even through the dust and imperfections, “Come Together” played my heart like a bass and I finally understood.

Then all the wretchedness of last week happened. A buddy of mine came over to hang out, calm me down, and let me borrow the Beatles Rock Band game from him. I booted it up and for a two and a half hour period, I understood every appeal of the Beatles.
I never knew the hundreds of cover versions from the Joe Crocker version “With a Little Help From my Friends” on “The Wonder Years” to Soundgarden’s rendition of “Come Together” that was always labeled “Come Together (cover)” but I never bothered looking up.

They play with my emotions. Sometimes I feel like a teenager with drastic mood swings playing a continuous game of pong from happiness, to sadness, to anger, to sexiness all contained in one short period of time.

I finally understand.

Realizations in Bitter Times

Most of you probably have heard the horribleness of last week.

First, Sallie was told she was probably getting laid off.

Second, I didn't get a position I truly felt I deserved. Many other people feel I deserve it. I was bitter and angry about it.

Third, after finding this out I was riding the scooter home and it started raining. I was stuck at a stop light and then all of a sudden I couldn't go more than 5 mph. I turned into a back alleyway and went very slowly the rest of the way home in rain and wind. I haven't really tried to fix it since because its been cold and we can't really justify sinking more money into that machine.

It was a rotten week, filled with more rottenness on top of rottenness.

It wasn't until Saturday when Sallie and I walked to home depot, picked out a Christmas tree and I was carrying it home when I realized how the week showed us how many friends we have.

Immediately, everyone was trying to find ways to get us on or find us other jobs. People were offering their homes to us. Our cats could sense something and were behaving and cuddling. Sometimes it takes the worst to make you realize how great you actually have it.

I have until March when I'll get laid off. While at work I'm job searching, waiting for that perfect opportunity to present itself. I was told by one of my managers that I will get the next position no questions asked, and if I get offered that position I will gladly take it. If not, then its just not meant to be.

Sallie was told tonight that she wasn't getting laid off. Someone was approved for the buyout who is going to England to get her masters degree. I want to buy her a drink.

So things aren't as bad as they could be. The only upsetting thing I have to do still is jury duty next week.

Three other contractors were all called for jury duty the same time I was. We all wrote similar letters saying we're contractors and don't get reimbursed for time missed. They were all dismissed, mine was postponed. Out of curiosity today, I called the Jury Supervisor's office. I talked to an extremely bitter old hag. (I'm sure she's that way because people call all the time looking to get out of it.) She told me I was lying, they would never get out of jury duty for that reason, and if they think they did, they have another thing coming.

... so I guess the letter and phone calls my buddies got were all their dreams? Either way, I'm losing several hundred dollars next week. She said on average the trials last three days. SOOOOO I'll lose several hundred dollars and get paid $36 by the city. I know, I know... civic duty, blah blah. Well guess what, they couldn't get their act together quick enough for me to vote in the last election, why should I server on their stupid jury. I feel like my relationship with the city of St. Louis is one way sometimes.

They tax the hell out of me. They make me do jury duty. They can't even get a decent public transportation system. Come on St. Louis, I love you baby, but you have to stop hitting me.

Thanks! (for all the fish)

I was standing in line at the grocery store tonight, buying some last minute Thanksgiving food (I know, dumb night to do this) and I noticed that the mood was lifted. Everyone was talking to everyone. The large man in front of me looked at the whisky and 7up I was buying with a smile on his face. "OH, some good ole' fashioned 7 and 7. That's the perfect holiday drink." Together we reminisced about past holidays while we waited in the seemingly unmoving line. When he checked out, he looked me in the eye, shook my hand and said, "Have a wonderful holiday season." A simple sentence that can invoke the most sincere well wishes that two acquaintances can share.

There are literally a thousand things to be thankful for on a daily basis. I'm thankful to have such an entertaining, driven, loving family each with their own lively personalities. Everyone from Grandma's ability to brighten any room, to the little brothers constantly flipping off government symbols, the in-laws, to honorary family members. The people I'm surrounded by seem to be the last stronghold for good compassionate people on the planet.

I'm thankful that the individual struggles and demon's tearing at everyone's beings never got the better of anyone. Through the weak economy and world conflicts, we are all able to not only survive but thrive.

I'm thankful that there are people like my cousin Ryan that have the guts to fight for what's right in this world. People like me have never had the guts to stand up, and literally bring the fight to the darkness.

I'm thankful that Sallie is working at a newspaper again. The passion and spirit she had when we first started dating has been reignited with a brighter burning color than before.

I'm proud that my dad has been able to make it literally after having the world cave in on him. He's been able to beat odds most of us never face. I never heard him use the words, "I give up" even in his darkest moments. An unspoken testament of his character.

I'm proud of my mother, years after leaving school, she's able to continue and just about complete her further education. The odds were against her being able to work full time, run a house, and go to school, but again she persevered.

What can I say, I got some damn stubborn and persistant genes. Nothing is able to keep us down.

I'm thankful that my kittens have personality and don't just sleep, eat, and poop. Although there are times when Slider deserves to be choked, I would want no other cat.

I'm thankful that Michael, our adopted cat is now staying in a warm caring house. Now he'll be able to shed all over someone else's work pants when he greets them.

And although this might seem a little superficial, I'm glad the Get Up Kids are back together. This band literally represents the happiness of late highschool and early college for me and my group of friends that I still hang out with. We could all relate to the feeling of restlessness, abandonment, and mischief The Get Up Kids sang about. (They are from Kansas City, so it makes sense.)

I made a mixed CD for Sallie for when she went to Germany. I had one song in mind when I started it, "I'll Catch You" by The Get Up Kids. I built the playlist based off this song. If we didn't got with Stevie Wonder for our first dance as a married couple, I would've pushed for this one.



I look forward to the next year with everyone. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Peace, love, and empathy

I'm a Softy that Wants a Gun

So, there's this adorable black cat named Micheal that our apartment building has sort of adopted. He kept running from his owner and each person in the apartment complex has called the number on the cats tag and each time we've witnessed this drunken redneck come to pick up Micheal in this monster truck. He always says, "I just spent $1500 f-ing dollars on face surgery for that cat. HE needs to get his ass back here." The owner curses, calling Micheal a little shit and the cat runs and desperately tries to hide. We've all come to the conclusion that the owner is abusive.

We would love to take him to a no kill shelter, but he has a microchip and would be promptly returned to this jackass. So instead we've been feeding him. We got a big box we've filled with blankets and put a towel over it so he can stay warm. For the most part he just hangs out, rubs our legs appreciatively on our way inside, and then goes back to being the apartment cat.

Everyone in our building already has the maximum threshold of cats. Otherwise we all said we would adopt him.

So tonight, Sallie and I came back from our midnight run to find Michael on top of the fountain next door and a demon opossum in Micheal's house. We've ran into this opossum before. He locks us out of our house because the front door is always chained. So we always have to make a lot of noise, circle the block, and hope he's gone when we get back.

Not tonight. That disgusting rodent was still hanging out. I don't understand why so many children's books romanticize these obviously evil, rabies carrying, beedy eyed, beasts. I've never wanted to shoot an animal before, but for a opossum, I'd make an exception.

So I had to climb over the railing, all the while keeping and eye to make sure the beast wasn't about to pounce. We got inside and I immediately grabbed a broom and starting banging the top of the box. It finally left, but slowly, giving me an eye like "I'm going to be back, and I'm going to kill you in your sleep."

So I'm going to drench Micheal's house in holy water and seriously consider getting an opossum taser.

Living the Busy Life

It's been a long time since I've truly written a blog. I could use the typical excuse of I've been busy, but I just feel like that's an overused excuse by humans. When did we become so busy? What happened to the town carnivals or wandering endlessly through nature trails and parks with friends?

Riding a bike used to be a targetless hobby. I would ride up and down streets endlessly, just happy to feel the wind.

So instead of just saying things have been busy I'm going to say I've been adult productive.

There are a few positions opening at my current job. They've actually been opening for several weeks now, but I've been told that interviews should be scheduled this week.

Hope, pray, sacrifice goats, or do a dance around a fire. Whatever it is you do, do it for me. I've been working extremely hard setting myself apart from the crowd to just get laid off in December because of some ridiculous rule within the company.

I want to stop worrying about employment. We graduated at probably the worst time to graduate college in the history of the country. Sallie is one of the few people I know that actually is doing something related to her degree. The rest of us were thrust into a horrible economy with tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. I found something I like doing and I would like to keep doing it.

Sallie and I also fell in love with a house only two blocks from our house and were more than willing to buy it that day. Common sense took over after a brief discussion with our cousin Eric. He gave some good advice and tips and will help us if we want it.

We never really wanted a house because it felt too permanent. We wanted to head for the mountains once the economy got better, but Sallie and I are in a good place right now. We can see ourselves settling in St. Louis for a few years. At least long enough for a house to increase in value. And no matter how much I don't want to admit it, my cats are my children. I come home from work and they are so happy to see me. I think they deserve a little more frolicking room. (And we deserve a room to lock Slider in far away from our bed.)

So, potentially, if I land this job, we're going to start looking at real estate in the next month or so.

Also, something that has been on the back burner for two years now is our honeymoon. Unlike most married couples that get to spend their wedding loot on a honeymoon to Cancun, we were broke and unemployed. Our honeymoon money bought some nice creditor a fancy dinner as we paid off a large chunk of our moving back debt. We feel we've earned the vacation. We want to go to Ireland and drink a Guinness in a pud. We want to head to Britain and scream blind slurs at the opposing team. I want to get a passport and get some stamps in it damnit!

Three other projects I'm taking on right now are also eating time.

First, I'm going through all of my music and fixing tags and downloading album info. This has taken two weeks so far and I've only gotten through the "Bs."

Second, I think I'm going to make this blog more of an interactive website. We have the Adobe Creative Suite and don't use it enough. I'm going to start ripping into Dreamweaver and see what I can create.

Third, www.circuitjerk.com has been keeping me busy. We've been getting a decent amount of hits, have survived a year, and have the fall/winter gaming season upon us.

I hope to start doing this regularly again. I also hope to actually do Pop Culture for the Inexperienced a bit more. Maybe not weekly like I would like, but bi-weekly I would hope.

Where's the f*cking right click?

I hate Apple and that's an understatement.

I hate it to the point of when people suggest they are going to buy any product from Apple, I feel like I've been wronged. I feel like it's a personal attack on my character when people offend me with their bad choices. I want to take up arms and burn down buildings anytime someone I know and care about knowingly purchases a Mac.

I grew up in an anti-Apple household. The moment Windows 3.1 showed me a portal to the sweet life, I knew I would hate Apple.

Steve Jobs is a great salesman, but also an jackass.

Oh, come off of it. Just because the guy has/had cancer doesn't mean I can't not like him. I don't wish him any ill will, in fact I hope he fights cancer and stays free of it his entire life. However, if I had the chance, I'd punch his stupid pearly white teeth down his throat. I would dip my fingers into the blood running from his mouth and rub it on my face like tribal war paint and chant my victory chant at the top of my lungs.

When I saw him this summer make his snide remarks against Microsoft, Sony, Dell, and Nintendo I wanted to punch him his snide little rich white suburban face. The ridiculous advertisement with the picture of a guy in jeans with a Dell laptop hanging out of his pocket. Steve Jobs got his stupid little laugh going and was like "Oh, our iPhone is a computer that fits in your pocket." The iPhone, officially announced by Steve Jobs, is a better gaming device than anything Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo could ever come up with.

Its a better gaming device for 13 year old Miley Cyrus fans and hungover students not paying attention in class. I hope that an unholy union of all four of those companies creates a monster and totally and completely buries Apple.

Apple cornered the MP3 player market early on. Out of the three different MP3 players I've had: Dell Jukebox, iPod Classic, and Microsoft Zune, I can say without any doubt or stutter that the iPod was my worst MP3 player.

The software sucked. Took me 8 hours to fix my music tags every time my library disappeared, which happened every time iTunes had an update.

I downloaded a bunch of songs and then had to format my hard drive, guess what, can't redownload that music. Sorry, time to pay another $1 for all the songs you technically already own.

How's about how the stupid scroll wheel wouldn't work when the temperature dipped below 45 degrees? Not to mention the fact that even when you drop $300+ on a new iPod, rest assured the newer better version will be out the next year.

Screw iPod.

The Zune does it better, cheaper, and quicker.

Don't even get my started on Macbooks and iMacs. Yes, they are good computers. But you can get just as good of a PC for $300-500 less. Not to mention, you'll have to pay $5-10 more for applications because you have to buy the "Mac" compatible version.

Besides the absolute unwarranted snideness of Apple products, I feel like its a war of the "have's" VS the "have nots." Macs are for people that have a lot of money and don't know much about technology. Apple makes decisions for people that don't now any better.

I've talked to users at my work, convinced to buy Macs, find out quickly that the sun might not shine so brightly on them. They tell me things like "Macs don't get viruses." "Macs are faster." "Macs are more powerful." They are regurgitating salesmen lines and when I tell them that's not necessarily right, they flip out.

With Windows 7 getting glowing reviews and taking everything you get with a Mac OS and trumping it, there's no reason to get a Mac anymore. None.

Please, if you find yourself in a situation where you are considering purchasing anything Apple related, call me. I'll present your options with an extreme bias, we'll have a good laugh at Apple's expense, and you can thank me for talking you into a PC with a Zune marketplace giftcard.

Oh, and CTRL+Click does not constitute a true right click. So get off it!