A Terri(fying) Christmas to You!

Postcards, especially at Christmas time, have been a popular tradition in the US since about the 1870s. To this day, I still receive a dozen or so postcards with pictures of your family. 

Now, I love seeing your family. It's a great time capsule. You can mark children growing, pets coming and going, vacations. But you know what I'd like more than a postcard of your family? A Christmas postcard of a frog dancing with a beetle.  

The type of postcards people sent each other for Christmas 100+ years ago are psychotic and sometimes things of nightmares. (Thanks to Lisa for turning me onto this insane world). Like this one, nothing says Merry Christmas like frog on frog violence. 

Frogs were a very common theme and I'm not really sure why. I found some wishy-washy explanations about how they were a common part of the American diet in the early 1900s. Or they were a popular pet. They have some Christian symbolism with birth and resurrection. 

These are fascinating. I wish I had the design documents for some of these. I want to know what was going through the heads of people when they thought, "You know what would really look great on a mantle? Santa kidnapping a child." Spend weeks staring at that children as a reminder that Santa is both vengeful and strong.

Similarly, let's check in on my friend Krampus. (Who I covered extensively in my history of Christmas series from 2010) Yep, he too is kidnapping children. 

Santa and Krampus aren't the only ones getting in on the Christmas terror, pretty much every animal you can think of is involved. Like this goat. Sneaking up on a child eating apples/peaches straight from the tree instead of going to school. "I have come to Greet You" indeed goat. Greet me from hell. 

Leave your kids with this jolly guy for a few hours. They'll have a roaringly good time watching a snuff film for Christmas. 

Or just some good old fashioned child pie. Great way to save money on presents and food. 

There's a traditional bear mauling to get across your wishes for "A Happy Christmas, A hearty Welcome."

And then there's surreal ones like the flower children. Come smell my bonnet. I have to imagine this is a horrifying centerpiece when the flowers start dying. 

And then something a little more my speed, the party birds. 

In a Halloween crossover, we have Pennywise stealing your plate of sausage links much like Santa taking some cookies whil the children sleep in the room next door. 

And proof that cranky old people are a tale as old as time, this guy hates music so much he decided to dump his chamber pot right on the percussion section. 

Sometimes you have to remind the children of the fragility of life. Remember kids, your magical snowman friend you made will absolutely die within only a couple of short weeks via heat death by sun. 

And then you have... well, I don't really well know what we have here. Some sort of "beet man" fever dream. 

On the beet man note, I'll let you all go. I hope you had a great Christmas!