I Hate Driving

It's no secret, I hate driving. 

I hate being in a car. I hate dealing with all the other people on the road. If you ride with me, you'll at least hear me dress down another driver for some boneheaded move once during the adventure. 

I also hate being a passenger. I get car sick, so I have to look straight ahead. No phone, no sleeping. And since I'm looking straight on, I get nervous if you're more of a cavalier driver. I'm a phantom brake pedal-er. 

We rode the train in Germany from Hamburg to Osnabrück and Osnabrück to Berlin. It was fantastic. We got there quicker than by car, there was no traffic, I got to read the entire time, and I drank a beer on the way back. Fantastic. Loved it. 

Same riding the train from Chicago to St. Louis. Beer, microwave pizza, tons of Switch, and all of a sudden, I was in Chicago. 

I just want to ride a train or light rail everywhere.

Car manufacturers have done everything they possibly can to make sure public transportation in America is crap. 

• GM bought up street car lines and shut them down in the early days. (Granted, there were other things afoot) The conspirators were indicted and charged.... $1 each. Yep, $1. I get charged more for parking on the wrong side of the street for street cleaning day
• There's the car and oil lobbies pushing for the highway system and for the local governments to be in charge of maintenance of those roads. The more the need for cars, the more money they make. The less they have to pay for road ways for those cars, the more money they make.
• There's the decades car manufacturers have been telling us that a car is freedom and part of being an American. Half the Route 66 advertising nowadays is there to make you feel nostalgic for something you probably didn't experience
• There's the Exxon Mobil lying about climate change and the link to oil and cars
• Even in the present day, Elon Musk admitted he keeps floating the hyperloop idea to keep lawmakers from passing high-speed rail plans so people would buy his Teslas

So you know, the free market at work. Those with the most money can grease the right hands and lie efficiently enough to make even more money.

There's a lot of reasons to hate cars.

It's estimated they prematurely kill 53,000 Americans every year just due to exhaust and remove an average of 10 years from an American life span. 

There's the way Suburbs have been built around the idea of American's having cars, which makes the burbs completely unsustainable resource monsters. 

There's the traffic deaths, how cars lock you in an infinite cycle of always owing a bank money, you have to pay an insurance company money every month, there's getting screwed by mechanic shops, waiting around for random parts to come in, the death of the town center with the rise of drive-thrus. 

Today though, today I'm going to focus on a much less serious reason I hate cars... the other drivers. 

JoyFM and the Danger to Everyone Else

It's a well worn meme that having a JoyFM sticker on the back of your car is an indicator to other cars to leave at least 2 car lengths between you and the JoyFM car. 

These cars are known for jumping 4 lanes to make an exit, driving straight with their right turn signal on, but somehow not using the right turn signal to actually turn. They will drive 10 mph under the speed limit, only speeding up to pass in the right lane. 

If they had a gun, I would think they were premeditated serial killers, but the god honest truth is they are just unaware of anyone else in the world. They sit in that drivers seat, the only see empty road everywhere. 

Brentwood SUVs

Brentwood is probably the worst place to drive in St. Louis. Most people would agree that the Target parking lot in Brentwood Commons has the highest chance for an automobile accident in the greater St. Louis area

There's some reasons for this. 

1. Supposedly the highway goes from 5 lanes, to 3 lanes, back to 5 lanes because there are so many municipalities in the area and some of them would not let the highway get expanded. I couldn't find any documentation of this, but it's sort of an oral history told around these parts. So when you're trying to merge onto 40 from 170 and you're sitting in a 3 mile line of cars... that might be why
2. Like moths to the flame, Brentwood has everything white people want in one place. It has a mall (The Galleria), it has a Target, Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Total Wine, Container Store, REI, Panera Bread, and the damn Cheesecake Factory. Most of these places share the same 2-3 parking lots. 

Why do I specifically mention white people?

Because the next type of driver is the Brentwood mom in the Escalade. She usually has a Starbucks with a reusable straw in her mouth. In the passenger seat is a 13 year old child... also with a giant Starbucks in their hand and usually some sort of soccer / baseball jersey on.

Despite owning the largest non-commercial vehicles available, they do not actually know how large the SUV is. You'll see them taking up a minimum of 1.5 parking spaces, usually parked at an angle, with those little stick figure stickers of their giant family with 3 pets on the back window mocking me for having to park much farther away. 

No time to straighten that parking job out dammit, I gotta get little Timmy to soccer after I pick up my non-fat, vegan, coconut milk based sport drink. 

Big Trucks

I get it. Construction work of any kind is hard work and six months out of the year you're either working in the coldest weather or the hottest weather. 

But just because you're tired doesn't mean you can run a red light, cut off six other cars, and gun it around the corner flipping off the bike rider as you go by. 

The bigger the truck, the less they give a crap about everyone around them. 

Ask my wife how she feels about these guys, because she has gotten into yelling matches with them while riding her bike. 

They think they know all the laws of the road, because they think they are the law of the road. 

Tesla is the new Beamer

Most of my childhood, it was known that anyone in a BMW was a rich jerk, and likely didn't care if you died in your 1995 Ford Escort because their time is worth more than your life. 

Unfortunately, this is a problem that has expanded to include Audis and Teslas. For real though, there's a study the University of Nevada did that found your likelihood of driving like an idiot goes up 3% for every $1000 your car is worth. 

I live near Barnes Jewish hospital where not only are the best and well paid surgeons working, but rich people fly in from all over the world to get treatments. 

Drive down Kingshighway near Barnes at 5 pm, and be ready to be side-swiped by some tinted window asshole in an Audi. 

The Cool Bikers

Easy Rider and in general, the 60s and 70s, spent a lot of time selling us on the concept of the biker being the new cowboy / frontiersman. The hard as nails manly man that smokes cigarettes and participates in street justice. 

The Hells Angels for a time were known as the hardest of the hardest guys. Even into the 2000s, we had the Sons of Anarchy doing really well on network television.

That culture has rubbed off on any dad with a Harley and any teen with a sport bike. 

You've got the dad that gets off work at Boeing, has the goatee, his matching worn leather gloves and jacket, and he rides his giant Harley without a helmet, cause that's what real men do. 

And god help you if you mention helmet laws. "This is about freedom, it's on me if I die, you can't tell me how to live my life." Well Brutus, unfortunately most motorcycle fatalities aren't one vehicle accidents. So yeah, even though you get to feel the wind in your hair, if you slide out on the road and run into my car, I'm the one that has to witness your brains all over the road. 

Will your ghost be paying my therapy bills?

Or there's the roving gangs of bikers doing wheelies, weaving in and out of traffic, and running every red light. Once a year in St. Louis, they get together for the Ride of the Century where the general local rule is, just don't be on the road that day cause there's going to be a lot of organ donors out there. But we get the added benefit of getting to see the practice up and down Gravois on the weekends.