Wednesday, January 23, 2008

All Grown Up

Thanks to Allan (Allyn, Allen, or however else I've spelled his name) I've decided to move my myspace blog to blogspot. Mostly because 90% of the time, Myspace crashes and you lose everything you wrote. In my case I spend the next 10 minutes rewritting (adding many curse words and leaving out much of the plot of the original) and slapping my forehead at how stupid I am for not save my text elsewhere.

Anyway, I will consistantly try to ask questions (and hopefully answer them) that have been on humans minds for centuries. Things like, "Can Frankenstein be bitten by a vampire, and thus turned into one?" (I certainly hope, cause that would be super-awesome) Or "When will Britney Spears finally step out of the spotlight, into rehab, and thus out of my TV?" (I have a bad feeling that it'll be death or porn before she's off my TV. Look at Anna Nichol for example.) This blog however will pose a serious question: "Dan Story, you've graduated from college with a degree in English and got married... what will you do now?"

I would love to say "I'm going to Disneyland" but the truth is I would be too worried about where my next paycheck is coming from to enjoy the likes of Mickey and Space Mountain. So what do I do now?

1) Write: I've always wanted to write in some form and I've been writing since I was 12. I love what I write. I think it's clever, engaging, and hilarious. However I just came from a seminar about getting published. Turns out that for every $6 book that sells, the author only sees about 35 cents. Which means I would have to sell 100,000 books to make $35,000. Something an assistant restaurant manager should make. (I say should because Al and I know this isn't always true.) The author went on to say that only 8% of authors in America make enough money to live off of. I still think I will get published but I need a day job.

2) Restaurant manager: I love cooking, and I'm pretty good at managing, but do I want to give 50-60 hours a week to a job, and technically never be off. I used to call distributors, set catering events, and call potential employees between classes, all day, everyday. F-that. I think the most stressed and depressed I ever was in life was when I was managing a restaurant. Not only is the job tough, but those customer things (which are a necessary evil) complain about the most ridiculous stuff, demand a free meal, but present you with an empty plate they had no problem eating before complaining about the food. No thank you.

3) Teacher: I would love to corrupt the youth of America, however South Carolina has some strict demands for certification when you don't have a degree in education. Basically it would send me back to school immediately on the road to a masters degree.

4) Jedi: Basically hippies that know martial arts and have sweet swords. However, since the fall of the republic, the job pays nothing, and you don't get accommodation.

5) Homeless: Hang out by the beach all day, asking for money... nah, I love being clean too much and I have a sugar momma keeping a roof over my head.

Well I have no idea what to do with my life. I've spent the past three days filling out application after application and you can only fill out so many personality surveys before you say "F it" and get pissed drunk by yourself. Any ideas would be well appreciated, and be looking for the next exciting adventure of all grown up.