Sal Ruins Breakfast

My stomach doesn't really wake up before 10 am. Just give me my coffee and I'll try to figure out what I want to eat. I'm not a huge breakfast person. I have to sort of get myself hyped up for bacon, eggs, and toast the night before.

I used to be a simple man, with simple joys. Every week, I would go to the grocery store, browse the cereal aisle and make the decision of the week. What did I want for breakfast?

I was a man that just liked a bowl of Lucky Charms or Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Sometimes I would just want a frozen waffle. And if I worked a little overtime, I'd treat myself to the ever expensive and addictive, Fruity Pebbles. Yes, in the back of my head, I knew that marshmallows for breakfast wasn't exactly the best, but the sugar high would jump start my day and I never felt hungry until lunch time.

And I could write a philosophy book on the joy and calm of drinking the colored milk afterwards.

About a year into our marriage, Sallie got really into nutrition. One of her favorite things was to grab a box, look at the label, and then tell me how little nutrition there was. (Side note, it seems if it's sort of bad for you, but it has fiber or protein, she's a little more accepting.)

So I switched to just eating Cheerios every morning for the next 3 years. You know, heart healthy Cheerios. Since I'm most likely going to die of a heart attack, I figured I was extending my life.

Well, Sallie started learning more about nutrition and one day she picks up the box and says with a disgusted voice, "I don't know how this fills you up. There's no nutrition at all." Then she paused for a moment and quipped, "Well, I guess the milk at least has a little protein in it." ... and now for the past two years, we haven't had real milk in the fridge or that yellow inviting box of Cheerios on top of our fridge.

Yes, I know that she didn't physically stop me from eating this stuff, but it sort of takes the fun out of it. It's like when you were first told Santa wasn't real. Yes, Christmas is still good, but not quite as magical.

I type this as I eat my bowl of plain oats, with a banana, and some protein powder in it. It's boring, it looks ugly, and if you let it dry to the bowl, it'll require some scrubbing to clean it.

There are so many vitamins in my old man breakfast that there's no way Sal will ruin it, other than her preference being eggs and bacon. But still, I might hide the packaging a little more than I would have in the past.