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Thursday, January 24, 2013

More Gym Gripes

OK, so the beginning of the year at the gym highlights everything I hate about the gym. I know at one point I was that new person, but like a good human, I tend to think I probably never annoying anyone else at the gym.

So over the past week, there have literally been days where Sallie and I suit up, head out into freezing temperatures, pull into the gym parking lot, do a drive-by, see that there are 300 people trying to use 250 machines, and drive home only to do a video. That's right, I'm paying $32 a month to do my own workout videos right now.

Anyway, there are a few other things that have reared their ugly heads since my last griping post.


  1. Put a damn lock on it: Our gym doesn't have designated lockers. You bring a lock with you every time you come, lock your stuff up, and bring that lock home later. Its a system that works. I see a lock, it means don't touch that locker.

    Well, turns out most people don't care if you get a good look at their coats and wallets because now I have to strafe through 15 lockers just to find an empty one.

    One day, these people are going to catch me in a bad mood and I'm going to go through every single unlocked locker and dump the contents out on the floor.
  2. Stop breaking everything: Right now, four of my six favorite cardio machines are busted. One of the bikes literally has the casing for the computer busted open and I can see the exposed motherboard hanging out as if trying to scream, "Save me" every time I step up to the bike.

    The gym also doesn't seem to repair anything for the first two months, my guess is because some protein shake drinking, roided out newbie keeps ripping the machines out of the ground and busting them.
  3. As a side note...: If there are only two of a certain machine in this entire gym and one of those machines is broken, do not casually climb stairs at 40 steps per minute for 28 minutes and stare blankly at the wall, while multiple people are forming a line behind you. If you want to use the stairs, pump that up. At least make me feel like its worth me waiting.

    If you're just going to workout that casually, jump on a treadmill and put the incline up. It's basically the same thing. I get on those stairs and pretend I'm a Ghostbuster climbing a skyscraper to save New York from the Marsh-mellow man. That is how you burn some calories!
  4. And the equipment hogs: I'm not talking about the people that sit on the machines doing nothing for too long. I think I've thoroughly covered them. I'm talking about people that horde the loose / free equipment into their corner of the gym like they are about to go into a bunker during a nuclear war and this will be the last workout equipment on Earth.

    Yeah, I see you over there, sitting on your Yoga mat, one leg on that fitness ball, propped up on dumb bells, while taking your body fat percentage. Spread the wealth. Not only are you hogging all the stuff, but you take up huge spreads of gorgeous gym real estate while looking like an ass.
  5. The Loud Guy: And finally, this guy is around all year, but he's especially bad around now. And really, there are two categories for this person:

    5a. The grunter: He wants you to know that he is working out harder than you. Maybe he is? He's going all aggro and lifting 30 pounds more than he should. And the grunting carries throughout the entire gym.

    5b. The talker / laugher: This is especially bad during the beginning months of the year. Those that talk on their cell phones while casually walking 1.5 mph on the treadmill. Do I need to even go into more detail?

    And the laugher I've only met twice, but it made me incredibly self-conscious. We have TVs built into a bunch of our machines, so these guys are watching Seinfeld and laughing their asses off so that every person on the machines next to them is constantly checking to make sure they don't have a weird pit stains or pooped themselves. 

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