Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Man Cave

The Man Cave

Its every man’s god given dream to have a cave of his own. It goes back to the prehistoric days when we spent all day, surviving, and just wanted to come home to hang out in our own cave. I think it’s a similar sensation to when women feel the need to have a kid. Maybe? No?

I want to set up a Man Cave in our basement in that back room where currently Christmas decorations are stored. My biological clock is going off and this is my child.

There are certain rules to setting up a proper man cave.

1) There can be little light. This is why often the basement or a den are the most ideal places for the man cave.

2) Often times the walls are lined with wood paneling. This is an observation Sallie discovered a few weeks ago while hopped up on pain medicine while we were launching into another movie marathon. Almost every Hollywood man cave has wood paneling. I’ll settle for the concrete/drywall mixture I have going now, but someday, something will have to be done about it.

3) There must be an older television, preferably with an antennae on it, possibly with either a VCR, Sega Genesis, or Nintendo 64 hooked up to it. I think I’m going to be able to pull off the TV and Sega Genesis once my brother leaves for college. I might want to also get a cheap DVD player down there, just to bring it up to par.

4) An old ratty couch. We’ve actually got two couches. One of which is turning color from over use, the other we found in an alleyway.

5) Beat up coffee table. It has to be made out of wood that doesn’t match anything else with scratches and condensation rings all over it. Must also meet the correct height requirement for resting feet up on from couch.

6) A rug. It’s always an eye sore, probably a rug made in the 70s. You know the ones. They had like seven different shades of brown woven into it. Looks like it was stored outside for most of its life. A shag rug is bonus.

7) Some reference to billiards. The best man caves have the old pool table in them. Others have the billiard, stained glass, light fixture hanging down from the ceiling. I don’t have room for either of those. My best bet is bumper pool, a cheap Foosball table, or a few pool cues mounted like crossed swords on the wall.

8) Ash trays galore. Even if you don’t smoke. Even if none of your friends smoke. There must always be ashtrays filled with stale, chalky ashes.

Now in my man cave I also want to put in a home brewing kit with a minifridge. The dream is to create my own beer. Then when the man cave is in full force, reach over to the minifridge and pull out my own delicious lager.

Anyone that wants to make this dream a reality by giving up old items listed above, please do. This is officially called the Dan’s Dream Charity 2010.

Cause damn it, I have a house, I should have a man cave.