Thursday, April 22, 2010

Rainbows and Flowers

I was in an awful mood this morning.

I had dreams last night that I married one of my friends for no reason. Sallie and I were engaged, but there was something that happened where I felt that I had to marry this other person. I kicked Sallie out of this lakehouse I had. She wasn’t terribly upset, just confused. The friend that I married immediately moved it and I realized I had made a mistake. So the rest of the dream was me trying to annul the marriage within the first 24 hours, but the judge wasn’t being so nice about it.

Then I had this over whelming feeling of being stuck at work. Everyone around me was moving up, but nothing I did gained any ground. My dreams stayed with this for most the rest of the night.

So I woke up feeling miserable and hopeless and tired. I just wanted to go to work and get the day over with. I hoped on the scooter, put angry music on my headphones, and took off.

Then, only blocks from my house, I get stuck behind a pickup truck with gay pride rainbows all over it. In the back of the truck was the most beautiful arrangements of flowers I have ever seen.It looked like a float almost, but on closer inspection all of the flowers were in different pots and appeared to be getting delivered somewhere.

How the hell are you supposed to stay pissed following rainbows and flowers? I just wanted to go with how I woke up and be grumpy all day long.

I imagined that a movie camera panned to me who was in black and white with a cloud over me pouring down rain. Then the camera pans forward to see a ray of sunlight pouring on this truck, the two drivers are singing a happy song, accompanied by cartoon birds who are whistling.

I just wanted to be angry today because now I’m in an apathetic mood. I’m not happy, not sad, I’m just putting my nose to the grindstone and getting my work done for the day.

Sigh! I wish we’d have gone to Europe. I feel like I’m in a rut and need something to get me out of it.