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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I'm a Softy that Wants a Gun

So, there's this adorable black cat named Micheal that our apartment building has sort of adopted. He kept running from his owner and each person in the apartment complex has called the number on the cats tag and each time we've witnessed this drunken redneck come to pick up Micheal in this monster truck. He always says, "I just spent $1500 f-ing dollars on face surgery for that cat. HE needs to get his ass back here." The owner curses, calling Micheal a little shit and the cat runs and desperately tries to hide. We've all come to the conclusion that the owner is abusive.

We would love to take him to a no kill shelter, but he has a microchip and would be promptly returned to this jackass. So instead we've been feeding him. We got a big box we've filled with blankets and put a towel over it so he can stay warm. For the most part he just hangs out, rubs our legs appreciatively on our way inside, and then goes back to being the apartment cat.

Everyone in our building already has the maximum threshold of cats. Otherwise we all said we would adopt him.

So tonight, Sallie and I came back from our midnight run to find Michael on top of the fountain next door and a demon opossum in Micheal's house. We've ran into this opossum before. He locks us out of our house because the front door is always chained. So we always have to make a lot of noise, circle the block, and hope he's gone when we get back.

Not tonight. That disgusting rodent was still hanging out. I don't understand why so many children's books romanticize these obviously evil, rabies carrying, beedy eyed, beasts. I've never wanted to shoot an animal before, but for a opossum, I'd make an exception.

So I had to climb over the railing, all the while keeping and eye to make sure the beast wasn't about to pounce. We got inside and I immediately grabbed a broom and starting banging the top of the box. It finally left, but slowly, giving me an eye like "I'm going to be back, and I'm going to kill you in your sleep."

So I'm going to drench Micheal's house in holy water and seriously consider getting an opossum taser.

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