Monsters and Creatures and Spooks

We rented a lot of VHS tapes from the library when I was younger. It's not like today where the library actually has a pretty decent selection of DVDs. These were mostly VHS tapes of movies that were 40+ years old at the time. 

My first experiences with the Three Stooges, Abbott and Costello, and the Little Rascals were all thanks to the library's collection. 

We'd rush home, pop the VHS tape in, let the automatic tracking work it's butt off to make some semblance of a picture, and then listen to the terrible sound mixing, on a worn out tape, on a TV with just OK speakers. And people wonder why I have such a passion for film. 

Some of the films I rented were the classic Universal Monster films. I found out about Frankenstein, the
Mummy, and Dracula via Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein and a 1980s movie called "Monster Squad." But every now and then, my mom would let us get a "scary" movie like the Canterville Ghost or The Mummy. 

The Scholastic book fair also had a really cool "How to Draw Monsters" book that was incredibly popular. 

I thought the monster designs were incredible and wanted to see the origins. Well... the library didn't have most of the origin films. Instead of Frankenstein, they have Son of Frankenstein. Instead of Dracula, they had Dracula's Castle. But it didn't matter. I was 10 and thought I was so cool. I loved these movies. 

I always had this vague idea for a tattoo that would feature the Universal Monsters. I couldn't decide if I wanted it down my arm, on my chest, or on my back. Well, I finally decided to pull the trigger and worked with my artist on a design and it pretty much takes up my entire back.

Once I had Frankenstein done, I got a craving to watch these old films and see if they hold up. So here's my review of both the film and the corresponding tattoos.

Frankenstein (1931) and Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

Movies: Frankenstein was one of my favorite of the Universal movies. The monster makeup, the set design, the story, it's all just really great pop fiction sort of stuff. And I was very pleased to see that both of these films hold up. The story makes logical sense (as much as it can when a doctor is stitching together bodies to re-animate them) and it's paced really well. I give both of these five stars. 

Tattoo: Frankenstein was my first. I got him on one side of my back. He wasn't too bad. It was a shock to my system. I had sort of assumed that getting a tattoo on my back wouldn't be too bad. The general rule is, the more skin, fat, and muscle before you hit bone, the less it hurts.

I also thought, oh, black and white creatures. This won't have too much shadowing or coloring. 

Wrong... Wrong... oh god was I wrong on both accounts. There's so much shadowing. Sure, mid-back has a lot of muscle. But you get close to the spine, you get close to the ribs, it's just skin sitting on muscle and it hurts like a mother... 

The Bride of Frankenstein was much worse. I'm my mind, I only saw the pale white face. Look at this hair? Now imagine a needled drilling that black into my armpit and ribs. I'm glad I was wearing a mask because my jaw was wide open in pain. 

The Mummy (1932)

Movie: The movie is mostly this all powerful mummy sort of torturing these archeologists who of course have guns for some reason. But ultimately, just a lot of Egyptian magic happened. 

Some woman who is hanging out with the archeologist looks vaguely like the mummy's girlfriend from back in the day, so of course, he tries to resurrect his love through this woman. 

It was sort of a vanilla movie, not a ton of plot. (Brenden Frasier does a better mummy movie) But Boris Karloff's mummy makeup was insane, maybe one of the best designs of any of the characters. 

Tattoo: Dead center of my back, but toward the top. This one didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It actually gave me a false sense of security for the rest of my spine. 

Dracula (1931)

Movie: Dracula Dracula Dracula. This isn't the cool, sexy Dracula we know today. This Dracula is just a creep. This film might as well be called, "Looking through windows at women" cause that's mostly what it is. He shows up at night, you're just minding your own business, maybe brushing your hair, and you look outside and there's a dude just staring into the window with those bug eyes. 

Movie was pretty boring if I'm being honest with myself. I think Dracula has been riffed on and made cool, so I still give it points for the concept. 3/5

Tattoo: This is the one that hurt the most. I thought for sure this was a safe bet to do right in the middle of my back on my spine. He's a pale guy, not a lot of shadowing. 

Your boy was wrong again. This creature, known for turning into a bat, is wearing the blackest of black cloak. This is the only tattoo I sort of felt woozy from and had to take a break and get a fan blowing on me for a minute. 

The Wolfman (1941)

Movie: This is one of the better movies. Very simple plot, guy keeps harassing a woman to go on a date with him. He ends up saving her from what turns out to be a werewolf. You know where the plot goes from here. He wanders the super foggy woods avoiding hunters who want to nip this werewolf problem in the bud. 4/5

Tattoo: Wolfman didn't actually hurt too much. Part of that might be because I got my routine down. Two Lion's Choice sandwiches so I don't feel woozy or bleed as much, two Ibuprofen an hour before we start, and a ton of water. Well, the routine and the fact that my artist had a tube of 10% lidocaine he rubbed all over the stop. Wolfman is on my lower right back. 

The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

Movie: I love reptilian monsters from this era. This was the golden age of Sci-Fi and horror monster design. 

The Creature is a great film because he's sort of the good guy. The humans come into his jungle to do "science" which looks a lot like colonization. Then the creature starts snatching them one by one. 

Film is peak, I'd give it a 4.5/5. 

Tattoo: This hasn't happened yet, but it will be stage left of Wolfman and there's a lot less texture. So I think this will be an easier one. 

Plus I now know where to purchase the lidocaine cream.