Thursday, October 22, 2009

Where's the f*cking right click?

I hate Apple and that's an understatement.

I hate it to the point of when people suggest they are going to buy any product from Apple, I feel like I've been wronged. I feel like it's a personal attack on my character when people offend me with their bad choices. I want to take up arms and burn down buildings anytime someone I know and care about knowingly purchases a Mac.

I grew up in an anti-Apple household. The moment Windows 3.1 showed me a portal to the sweet life, I knew I would hate Apple.

Steve Jobs is a great salesman, but also an jackass.

Oh, come off of it. Just because the guy has/had cancer doesn't mean I can't not like him. I don't wish him any ill will, in fact I hope he fights cancer and stays free of it his entire life. However, if I had the chance, I'd punch his stupid pearly white teeth down his throat. I would dip my fingers into the blood running from his mouth and rub it on my face like tribal war paint and chant my victory chant at the top of my lungs.

When I saw him this summer make his snide remarks against Microsoft, Sony, Dell, and Nintendo I wanted to punch him his snide little rich white suburban face. The ridiculous advertisement with the picture of a guy in jeans with a Dell laptop hanging out of his pocket. Steve Jobs got his stupid little laugh going and was like "Oh, our iPhone is a computer that fits in your pocket." The iPhone, officially announced by Steve Jobs, is a better gaming device than anything Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo could ever come up with.

Its a better gaming device for 13 year old Miley Cyrus fans and hungover students not paying attention in class. I hope that an unholy union of all four of those companies creates a monster and totally and completely buries Apple.

Apple cornered the MP3 player market early on. Out of the three different MP3 players I've had: Dell Jukebox, iPod Classic, and Microsoft Zune, I can say without any doubt or stutter that the iPod was my worst MP3 player.

The software sucked. Took me 8 hours to fix my music tags every time my library disappeared, which happened every time iTunes had an update.

I downloaded a bunch of songs and then had to format my hard drive, guess what, can't redownload that music. Sorry, time to pay another $1 for all the songs you technically already own.

How's about how the stupid scroll wheel wouldn't work when the temperature dipped below 45 degrees? Not to mention the fact that even when you drop $300+ on a new iPod, rest assured the newer better version will be out the next year.

Screw iPod.

The Zune does it better, cheaper, and quicker.

Don't even get my started on Macbooks and iMacs. Yes, they are good computers. But you can get just as good of a PC for $300-500 less. Not to mention, you'll have to pay $5-10 more for applications because you have to buy the "Mac" compatible version.

Besides the absolute unwarranted snideness of Apple products, I feel like its a war of the "have's" VS the "have nots." Macs are for people that have a lot of money and don't know much about technology. Apple makes decisions for people that don't now any better.

I've talked to users at my work, convinced to buy Macs, find out quickly that the sun might not shine so brightly on them. They tell me things like "Macs don't get viruses." "Macs are faster." "Macs are more powerful." They are regurgitating salesmen lines and when I tell them that's not necessarily right, they flip out.

With Windows 7 getting glowing reviews and taking everything you get with a Mac OS and trumping it, there's no reason to get a Mac anymore. None.

Please, if you find yourself in a situation where you are considering purchasing anything Apple related, call me. I'll present your options with an extreme bias, we'll have a good laugh at Apple's expense, and you can thank me for talking you into a PC with a Zune marketplace giftcard.

Oh, and CTRL+Click does not constitute a true right click. So get off it!