The Observer

I write like I'm a camera in any situation. Hovering above the characters in the room, I'm above the drama, just observing. (When I say "above the drama," I don't mean I'm better than the drama, just that I witness it from far away) When I think back on memories, my eye sight is from the corner of the room, near the ceiling. I'm in a tree, the unseen observer. I'm in the back seat of the car, watching the driver and I have a conversation. 

I've always been told the way I write is very movie scene like, and I think this is largely because of how I re-see my life. When I'm trying to write a fictional scene, I'm usually pulling from something I witnessed. The weird details I notice make it in. Things like:

• There was a third of a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, laying on it's side, behind the nightstand. 
• The wallpaper matched the lining of his suit jacket. 
• The spirited child had dog poop on his right shoe, and every third step he sort of dragged his foot as if trying to clear the poop off onto the linoleum floor in the kitchen. 

I'll hang back, sort of observe everyone in the room, take notice of body language, find the most interesting stories. 

I was talking to my therapist about this because she had noticed I describe every situation as if I wasn't a participant. She's trying to get me to understand what I was actually feeling rather than tell her the story of the events. It's been tough. There are situations where I honestly can't remember what I was feeling if anything. 

My therapist tries her hardest to force me to re-evaluate what I observed and zero in on myself. 

It was during one of these scenarios where I brought up home movies. We had a bunch digitized a few years ago and every few times I head over to my mom's house, we put them on. 

There's one other writer in the family and that's my grandpa Dobyns. And as we move through Easter, July 4th, family reunions, Christmas, I noticed something about grandpa, he was almost always in the back of the room with a real camera, as an observer, an overseer. 

Watch any of the family movies, he's either the one behind the camera, or appears on other people's videos while holding a camera. 

I would be interested to know if other writers saw the world this way. I have to imagine it depends on your writing style. Some people like big ideas and lose focus on the details. Some like to focus on the dialogue, and I bet they are people that engage deeply in conversation.