Top 30 Christmas Movies: 15-1

I almost decided to deliver this second part of my Top 30 list tomorrow, but it just didn't seem right getting into the Valentine's Day movies field. 

No, my fans, I decided you needed this in your inbox tonight to maybe inspire some last minute Christmas cheer. 

15. Die Hard

Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? 

• Only happens because of an office Christmas party
• Features the song Christmas in Hollis
• One liner of "Ho Ho Ho" when one of the terrorist is killed
• Christmas magic temporarily saves a marriage

This didn't need to take place at Christmas. It could've been a deadline that had everyone working late. It could've been watching fireworks on the forth of July from the top of the tower. But no, we have Christmas. And it's great. 

This is top 3 of my favorite action movies of all time. John McClain is just so witty and believable as an everyman. Alan Rickman just really solidifies himself as the ultimate Capitalist badguy. 

And I like that they didn't try to explain the terrorist. They were just some nondescript European nation. 

14. Frosty the Snowman

I don't know why Frosty the Snowman is higher up than Rudolph, but it always felt like you would get Charlie Brown, Rudolph, and sometimes Frosty on CBS. But Frosty was not guaranteed. I'm guessing some sort of rights dispute kept it off air sometimes. 

Objectively, Rudolph and Charlie Brown are better stories, but I think there's some special magic to Frosty because it wasn't the go-to every single year. 

13. It's a Wonderful Life

I didn't realize that it was such a controversy to like "It's a Wonderful Life." I just sort of thought everyone was into it. But turns out, you either like it or think it's boring and long. 

I think It's a Wonderful Life did some really interesting things in a relatively young Hollywood. There's a lot of "heady" concepts about life and what it means to be blessed. Things that typical Hollywood at the time wasn't trying to take on. 

Another unique thing about It's a Wonderful Life is that they somehow managed to escape straight racism. From what I remember, there's not a single instance of black face in all of the movie. 

12. Home Alone

Home Alone has gone up and down this list in my heart. Loved it as a kid, probably top of the list. Got into the teenage / college years and in my mind it's some dumb kid movie. And recently thinking about it (and watching it) it's actually a really good movie. 

Here's a few things I don't understand though

1. Like seriously, you're going to leave one of the youngest kids behind? Like, all children should be on a leash if you absolutely want to travel with them
2. What the hell did the old man do to the Macallisters to deserve the stigma? He seems like a sweet old man and if they weren't so mean to him, this whole movie would've been five minutes long. "Hey, I think Kevin was left before and is in the house, can you check in on him?"
   "Yes."
   The end
3. Kevin goes to a store, by himself, and buys a toothbrush and toothpaste. How did he interact with several adults and not get questioned. 
4. Why are the criminals as dumb as they are? This specific house can only have so much money and jewels. Just move on. Once the kid scares you away with the gun sounds, just leave.

11. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Technically... this is more of a Thanksgiving movie. I get it. 

When there are enough Thanksgiving movies for me to do a top 30 Thanksgiving movies list, this will be on there. But until then, I'm adopting this into the Christmas list. It's a good "kick off the holiday season" movie. 

Anyone that has done extensive traveling knows that everything that can go wrong will and you will do anything possible to get home. And PTA tells the story. 

Listen, this next sentence is for a select few people who have seen Planes, Trains, and Automobiles and Greenbook. Greenbook wishes it was Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. PTA really earns that happen ending with buddies. 

10. The Night Before

Did not expect a stoner Christmas comedy would become a regular feature in our household, but The Night Before does it. 

It's funny, it's sweet, it features Miley Cyrus, and has one of the funniest scenes in any Christmas movie. Seth Rogan, on a lot of drugs, and a jew, goes to Christmas mass on accident. 

Ultimately, this is a movie about three best friends trying to keep their friendship alive through a Christmas tradition even though they are all growing older and farther apart. 

9. Bad Santa

He's drunk (the actor was also drunk), he steals, he curses, he's your mall Santa. What the fantastic writers for Bad Santa managed to accomplish was creating a realistic deadbeat with a redemption story. 

Billy Bob Thornton plays such a perfect deadbeat, alcoholic, badass. You believe him as the character of the Bad Santa. 

8. The Harry Potter franchise

I can't pick a single Harry Potter movie because they all have Christmas scenes, but they all start in summer and end in spring. So technically, not Christmas movies, the winter/Christmas scenes are always some of the most memorable. 

I've always wanted to go to Hogsmeade and drink butterbeer with my friends. Bundled up from the cold, knowing full well there's a roaring fire waiting at Hogwarts to greet me when I get back. 

7. Scrooged

Scrooged starts with a scene that has Santa running through his workshop with elves and Mrs. Clause freaking out, and he turns around with a machine gun, ready to take on whatever awaits him.

It also features the line, "That bitch hit me with a toaster."

Bill Murray plays the perfect asshole villain needed in a modern day telling of a Christmas Carol. Bobcat Goldthwait just tears up the unhinged former employee. And all the ghosts are so perfectly 80s I can't even stand it. 

Scrooged has some really weird lines and jokes, something I don't feel like many people have the guts to do with a Christmas classic like this. 

6. White Christmas

Bing Crosby influenced the entirety of the Rat Pack and how they sang. Do you understand what kind of influence is required for that?

There's some problematic stuff about White Christmas (only black actors in it are bartenders) but it's one of those movies where you can sort of just turn off any outside part of your brain and just enjoy it for what it is. 

It's the best sort of Christmas spirit. Just two guys trying to do right by a good friend of theirs. 

And the titular song, White Christmas, as sung by Bing... get out of here. Top 3 Christmas songs of all time.

5. Charlie Brown Christmas

The chaos of having child voice actors saying these pretty complex lines. The beautiful art style of Charles Schultz. The Pixar-esque way that they were able to tell a story that would enchant children, but keeps adults entertained as well. Charlie Brown Christmas is a masterclass of how to do a 25 minute Christmas special. 

This was the time where the Schultz' children really were defined in their personalities. I could never read Lucy without hearing her voice from the special. The comic's lines were now delivered with the same tone, the same pace, as Charlie Brown spoke in this film. 

And my boy Linus, just really pulling it all together, real tree, real talk. 

4. A Christmas Story

I love Christmas. I love gifts. I love the feeling in the air. When I was a kid, this was 10 fold. I couldn't sleep Christmas Eve. I'd  sit in the comfy chair in the basement watching "A Christmas Story" on TNT for hours straight waiting for the parents to go to bed around 11. Then I'd sneak upstairs with a flashlight and start sizing up the loot. 

I never actually wanted to know what was in the wrapping paper, just the size and shape of the box. And then in my child brain, I'd always justify it. 

"Well, I got the biggest present this year, guess Santa really thought I knocked it out of the park."

"I got all the small gifts this year, but that's fine, most electronics are pretty small anyway."

3. Miracle on 34th Street

It's total sappiness. A hard nosed little girl that was given too hard a dose of reality at a young age doesn't believe in Santa. 

It's about the importance of magic in a child's life. And that sometimes it's worth telling a little fib based on magic instead of forcing a child to grow up by making them live in the harsh realities of adult life. 

2. Love Actually

This movie shouldn't work. It's an ensemble cast of literally every British movies star. It tells of 8 or 9 stories, all revolving around different sort of love. (newly dating, newly married, marriage ending, a bro-mance, lovers from different countries) and somehow all comes together in just the most uplifting way. 

In this time of stress and isolation, watch this movie. I promise you, it will remind you of the best humanity has to offer. 

1. The Family Stone

I saw this movie because a girl I liked wanted to see it. And I found out, she only wanted to see it because her little sister wanted to see it. 

I went in with low expectations and thought I'd get some good laughs out of making fun of it. 

No... false.... false... I cried like a baby. The Family Stone is peak writing, acting, Christmas. It captures the chaos and sentimentality of the holidays. It shows a dysfunctional family that ultimately loves each other so much that all of their drama spawns from how much they love each other. 

I left that movie, not only not making fun of it, but I drove home in silence because I was crying with how perfect the movie wrapped up.