Tuesday, January 7, 2014

The Feels

I came back to work today in the worst mood.

I guess it started last night. There was a point where I was coughing, sleeping on the couch to not keep Sal awake, and the electricity was out. The temperature was dropping quickly, and I grunted, "f*ck it."

I was really angry and depressed. It wasn't the normal, "first day back after vacation" depressed either. It was like this feeling of impending doom.

I was more relaxed in Minnesota than I've been since ... well, there's where the depression part comes from. I can't remember the last time I was consistently that relaxed and happy for that long at a time. I had four days where I didn't think about a budget, or cleaning up, or what house project, or feeding the cats, or getting Crash healthy, or hitting the gym...

It was much needed. I felt recharged at the end. I was looking forward to accomplishing a few personal achievements and getting a few extra days off.

And then I developed a 101 fever, cough, and runny nose. I spent the last four days of my vacation in bed.

Problem is, these were days I already had set aside for creative writing. I was hoping to make real progress on several stories I have going.

These were days I was going to get a few of those house projects that I don't have time for during the week.

These were days that I was going to stay in my pajamas, sipping coffee, listening to records all day long.

And they were taken from me.

And as I signed into work today, I just thought about how ripped off I felt. I thought about how I didn't want to do my job. I just wanted to not sign in for a few more days.

I think this says something about my life. I need to make some changes. I'm not entirely sure what those changes are right now, but I'm looking into a few things.