Elevator Etiquette

I almost always take the stairs.

I'd like to say its a way for me to get just a little more exercise in the corporate world, but the truth is, I don't know how to handle elevator etiquette.

We've got something like 30 elevators in our complex, but still rarely do I ever get an elevator to myself.

The problem I have is the situation forces you to invade and have your personal space invaded. You are trapped in a small metal box with a bunch of germy, sweaty, strangers all looking to make small talk.

Guess what, I don't want my time wasted. I will instead listen to this podcast and learn something or enjoy something. Believe me, its much better than talking about the crappy cold weather or "how those Cards are doing."

People try to get on the elevator before everyone already on the elevator get off. You get this awkward traffic jam where everyone apologizes, but no one really does anything to solve the situation.

Then you have the weird conversation. It can go either way. Either two people step onto the elevator and in mid-sentence stop talking until you get off. Makes you feel like you're really make their day horrible because they have to wait three floors to start talking again.

Then there's the people that lock themselves into the elevator and continue with their conversation and pretend like you're not there. In which case, they are the rude bastards.

Then there's the frantic button pushers. The ones that also hate crowded elevators. They're the ones that press their floor and then keep pressing the close door button a million times thinking it'll make the door shut faster. (This same phenomenon also happens at crosswalks.) Interesting note, 90% of the time that button is disabled unless you have the key to the control box.

Here's how I solve it. I usually have my headphones up loud, press my floor, and step into the opposite back corner so no one asks me to do anything. If they start looking for eye contact, I quickly look at my phone and pretend like there's something interesting on there.

Yes, everyone, I am what is wrong with the world.