It's not the first time I've been laid off. With the way robots and outsourcing are going, probably not going to be the last.
The last time I was laid off was in 2009, shortly after the economy tanked. Then, things felt dire. The first feeling was fear. Sal and I had barely made any adult money, our car was on it's way out, student loan bills started coming in, and we had to move back across the country to stay in my mom's basement.
This time it's a little less dire. I'm getting a severance package and will have the luxury of looking for something that I really want to do while having adult job experience.
I guess the main difference is last time I felt fear, this time I feel anger.
We were all cut by an anonymous team of people on an "Efficiency Team." We don't know who is going to replace us yet, but signs point to our jobs being outsourced.
My anger stems from the overtime hours and extra work I put in desperately trying to make our knowledge base better for the phone agents. A position I previously held and knew how tough it could be. And I felt like our team was making huge strides despite budgets and red tape consistently working against us.
And strangely there are a lot of parallels to when you're grieving for a lost loved one. My first thought was how little the world feels as upset as I do. Sure, friends and family care greatly about my well being and I already have people with their ear to the ground for other jobs, but no one is upset in the same way. I want someone to commiserate with. I guess this is the downfall of having a team spread out across the country. We can't go out for a beer and rip the company a new one.
I'm angry every time I see another email saying how strong the company financials are and the upbeat tone the "Efficiency Team" emails are. They're just doing us all favors right guys? Making this a better place! Right?
I'm angry because I thought Sal and I were done with this. I'm angry because I was really happy and thought that I had a career instead of a job.
I want this upbeat acoustic song playing from my computer speakers to take a dark turn. No one should be this happy.
You sort of want to be able to look at the guy next to you and say, "Do you believe this?"
But no one around me (other than my peers) is feeling that. The world goes on, friends have jobs, and I know I'm about to again start my least favorite things in the entire world, job hunting.
But like I said, this time is different. We are in a better place. We have a much stronger support network. So I'm not going to hit the panic button yet. Instead, I'm going to have a beer tonight, and Monday I'm going to start looking for a job I love and am proud of all over again.
I'd be lying if I said I slept like a baby last night and my last thought wasn't of another debt I'm not sure I'll be able to pay. But I'm just going to try my hardest to take it a day at a time and see where the chips fall.
